Sunday, April 26, 2009

God?

I was quite the god fearing 5 year old. I had started attending church with my neighbors (the Olsens) at my request since my family did not attend church. When I told my mother that she was going to hell for not going to church, she decided to take matters into her own hands.

She began taking me along with my brothers and sister to a Unitarian Church every Sunday. In bible study we learned about all the religions of the world in addition to stories from the bible. There were Pagans and Wiccans that also attended the church, and overall I was fairly happy in this environment. My mother eventually fully embraced Wicca and out of curiosity I started reading more about it. I tried the whole "Witch" thing on for size and out of lack of resources or pure laziness, it never went anywhere.

From that point on, I've considered myself to be agnostic. I just didn't really care to take the time or make the investment into embracing my spirituality. As I became more politically minded and opinionated, I started to feel some conflict. I am extremely pro-life, and not for biblical reasons, but for constitutional reasons. The Declaration of Independence declared "We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." There. Right there. A baby doesn't look like a full grown adult, or a teenager, and similarly, a human life in its first days and weeks in the womb may not look like a full grown adult either, but the end result is still the same. I believe that from the moment of conception that the unborn human has the right to life.

So I focus on what the rights are, but there is more than one part of that sentence. I was merely glossing over that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights.

Lately I've felt a tugging on my heart. I'm not sure if it is motherhood that is causing this, or lack of sleep. I once joked with a friend that if God ever made it plainly clear that he was "real" I would happily follow him wherever he led. Is this strange tugging actually him trying to reach out to me? And if it is, how do I know who has it right? Is it god, or Zeus... one of the pagan gods... or Allah? Do the Mormon's have it right, or the Catholics? My husband was baptized in the Methodist Church... is that the right way to go?

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