I am working on my baby karma. I firmly believe that subjecting yourself to other pregnant women and attending copious amounts of baby showers will somehow increase my odds of conceiving. We shall see - after 4 baby showers in the last month, and spending PLENTY of time with lots of pregnant ladies, I'm feeling pretty good about my odds. I mean my karma. My baby karma. Don't roll your eyes at me!
In the meantime, I'm trying to get a head start on all that pregnancy and motherhood entails. I feel like I'm a freshman entering a graduate level seminar, and I didn't read the assigned chapters for the first week of class. Kinda like Elle in Legally Blond when she shows up to her first class at Harvard Law not realizing that she should have shown up to class ready to PRACTICE law. That is what this is like. I don't feel that the moment when my first born is handed to me is the moment that I should begin learning about raising offspring. There are books to be read and products to be reviewed!!
Other things I ought to be doing? Why, getting ready for May House Madness, of course! I'm fairly certain that I have husband's buy in to finally begin demolition on our home. I wish it was that easy. Step 1, buy dynamite. Step 2, light dynamite. Step 3, push away rubble and start over from scratch. Our home is in desperate need of a thorough spring cleaning, and only then can we begin the projects we have in store. And after the house is sparkling, the new floors installed and the backyard completely landscaped, how do we go about keeping it magnificent? I need a plan. A good plan. A plan that I can actually STICK to. I actually purchased a book titled "The House That Cleans Itself." It was an interesting read, with good ideas. My main problems in life stem from my indifference towards clutter/garbage, and also the ridiculous quantity of pet hair floating around in my house. Don't get me wrong - we own THE purple pet hair Dyson. It just isn't enough. Am I going to have to resort to sheering off all the fur of my four legged friends? Is there some awesome way to get pet hair off a couch that someone can fill me in on?
Finally, I don't want a home that is merely clean. I want a home that is stylish, well decorated, comfortable. When we moved into our home, I had some vague idea of what I wanted, and unfortunately I never really expanded on that. And of course, now, several years later, I want something completely different. My tastes have evolved (or maybe they have devolved, lol). I no longer wish to have the home that matches all the other cookie cutter desert subdivision homes in AZ. I want modern, crisp, clean and somehow inviting. A place that won't seem like a museum to our children, and is still enjoyable and suitable for entertaining friends and family. Does such a place exist? I guess we are going to find out!
Internet, consider me to be a blank slate... an empty canvas. I'm ready to learn!! I'm ready to accomplish! Send me your hot tips, suggestions, ideas!
Why feel like a freshman when you can at least reach senior status? (Graduate school, I'm afraid, is the actual event.) Here's what you do to help prepare for motherhood:
ReplyDelete1. Starting at about 10 pm one evening, get up every 2-3 hours. Don't just get up and go right back to sleep. Stay up a good 45 minutes or so. Repeat 'til 7 am.
2. Don't go out to eat at a nice restaurant or to any movies/concerts/typical date-type settings. There is no time limit on this one...it can be as short as 1 month (if you have parents/in-laws/trusted friends nearby--potential babysitters!) or as long as 2 years (because dining with a toddler is not always fun or easy).
3. Go 24 hours without any sleep...stay in your p.j.'s, eat whatever's around & can be held with one hand, let the laundry pile up and the house become general chaos. 'Cause this will happen at some point in your life as a young mother.
4. Put your boobs on the grill...char until nipples are well-done & crispy around the edges.
OK, OK...never want to scare anyone off of breastfeeding, as it's both the best and hardest thing I've ever done. I nursed both my girls for 12 months...and I'm a big-time wimp...so if I can do it, anyone can. It was super-hard with my first (mastitis, fungal yeast, bleeding nipples, etc.) and super-easy with my 2nd (zero problems--she was a born breastfeeder). It can go either way.
5. This one comes from my husband, who happens to be a family doctor (and has delivered his fair share of babies since medical school): Do NOT read "What To Expect When You're Expecting." He maintains this book is the #1 source of unnecessary stress for pregnant women...and those wanting to be pregnant. There are better pregnancy books out there--I forget which ones I read, but none of them were "What to Expect..." Take that for what you will!
Also...practice wearing your heart outside of your body...because once you have a child, this is exactly what it feels like. You'll want to protect & nuture it like nothing ever before. And that's the greatest lesson I can impart.
Lula, you have imparted great wisdom on me. I'm tempted to just adopt now, and skip graduate school altogether, yet I know that the charred nipples will be worth it (somehow, when they are teenagers and screaming about how much they hate me).
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I'm printing this out and putting it in a frame.
You should write a book - or a short story - on motherhood.