It is summer here in death valley. I mean Phoenix. But, it isn't hot enough, because Mikey still refuses to play in the blow up pool purchased to keep his wee hiney cool during the hot summer months. Loves the bath. Hates the pool. I do have to admit that I absolutely have ulterior motives when it comes to the pool. You see, I would *love* to spend some time outside that doesn't involve chasing him down the street. Perhaps he is just pulling a Richard Simmons on me and trying to trick me into exercising (it is working) but it surely is difficult to run whilst holding a can of Coors(light!).
Dude, Mommeeeee is trying to chill in this here plastic lawn chair that is finally comfortable to sit in now that she has lost another 15 pounds. And, even though you don't appreciate the cool water, I sure love using the edge of the pool as an ottoman of sorts and allowing my feet to soak while I admire my freshly pedicured mint green toenails. Hey. Where are you going?
It occurred to me during the week that I needed to move this operation from our frontyard to our backyard, so that when Mikey jumps out of the less than luke warm pool, the farthest he can go to is the orange tree. Alas, dog crap, you have bested me yet again as I have allowed you to accrue at an ungodly pace. So, today I spent Mikey's 3 hour nap raking up dead grass and dog poo, and also acquired some rad blisters on my hands along the way. When Mikey woke up from his nap, I was so exhausted from the yard work/zyrtec/coors light, that I feel asleep on the couch while my spawn smeared blue frosting from a cookie on my nose. I awoke to the foul odor eminating from my son's diaper to a mouthful of honey nut cheerios and marshmallows he had tried to feed me while I caught up on my beauty rest. You know, that is what I get for falling asleep on the job.
The worst part of all? When Josh finally woke me up after the census worker rung the doorbell and he was finally conned into taking the damn census survey, I remembered the untouched 2 liter of diet coke chilling in the fridge for me. I just needed a little caffeine to get my afternoon groove going. "Honey, will you make me a glass of diet coke." "There isn't any." "Oh yes there is! I put it in the Fridge this morning." "Uhm, I sort of drank it while you were napping." "Noooooooooo..."
The only possible solution to this was to order Domino's for dinner, cause how else am I supposed to get Diet Coke delivered to the house, ha ha ha. Except I couldn't eat pizza for dinner because I wasted all my points on McDonald's Sausage burrito's and Coors Light. So, now I'm all hopped up on Diet Coke and listening to Techno/Trance while uploading pictures from a birthday party yesterday and downloading more Techno/Trance. Gee - I sure am revisiting a lot of old vices recently. Diet Coke. Check. Metabolife. Check. Jamming out on my MP3 player non-stop. Check. Afternoon naps. Check. I feel like a teenager again (trapped in the body of an overweight 27 year old with a 17 month old). Alright, I better stop this blog post right here. Would hate to reveal anything weird about myself.
