I've been doing a lot of that lately. Looking around - analyzing what I'm seeing. I see a couple of young adults that tend to live like overgrown children, and here we are expecting a baby. I see a lot of evidence of my shortcomings, and find myself in a panic over these flaws. I'm dealing with a limited amount of time before I'm in charge of another human life. Is it possible to make the transition to full fledged adult in 167 days?
Yep - 167 short days until this baby is due. Baby G. *sigh*
I can't be a failure from the get go! I can't stand the thought that my offspring might see me for what I really am. Messy. Chaotic. Lazy.
Despite these flaws, I still find myself trying. WE are trying. Cleaning here and there. Heck, I even did the dishes after dinner tonight. My normal MO is to let the dishes pile up until I am unable to cook because everything is dirty. Husband and I went so far as to buy cleaning supplies at Target, and then *gasp* use them.
Now, don't get me horribly wrong. I often feel as if I'm living in a cesspool pit of despair and destruction, but I know in reality this is not the case. Sure, we've got dust and animal hair - and yeah, our laundry usually lives in a laundry basket instead of hanging in a closet. Knowing that we aren't the messiest house on the block doesn't really soothe my anxiety, however. It is important to me to bring some order to my chaos. I think order is soothing.
So, what else have I been looking at? Today I spent some time looking at our friends. Husband and I headed off to the West Side to meet up with three other couples that I have known since High School. Two of the couples have children, and they are both dealing with infant daughters at the moment. Being pregnant, my friends graciously handed over their babies for practice. The women folk all sat in the kitchen and discussed breast feeding, stretch marks and day care. It was interesting that we all had different thoughts and philosophies, and yet everyone was "ok" with what the other had to say. It is amazing to watch the friends that I have known for so long grow in to parents. It gives me hope that Husband and I will be able to do the same.
Today I also spent some time googling 17 week ultrasounds and found a lot pointing to anatomy with proclamations of BOY! or IT'S A GIRL! In just a few short days I should be able to see the very same thing. How exciting to finally put a name to this humanoid that has taken up residence in the Chateau Right Wife. This being that is making the simple act of urinating nearly impossible (I think the little bugger pushes on my urethra for fun). This bundle of joy that is making my skin rip apart at the seams. I feel like a walking stretch mark on most days. My son or daughter, that now can hear what I'm saying, which is giving my dear husband an ulcer trying to clean up my sailor mouth. "Honey - the baby can hear you! Watch your mouth!" *sigh*
Finally, I've been looking around my blog. I've already fallen out of love with this template. The martini glasses seem silly for a lady that can't even stand the smell of alcohol at the moment.
Please, enjoy "Look Around" by Blues Traveler:
And if you can't already tell
I am unable to let things go
I'm told I do it very well
But more important you should know
That all the same
You've got no one to blame
If you call that a waste
Cause it ain't me
That's been hurting you inside
And if you've learned
You'll know much more than I
That you're gonna have
to go and find it
You'll have to dig beneath the ground
You'll have to unearth
every ugly stone
That kept you on your own
And simply put them down
You're gonna have to look around